God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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