I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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