u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
