oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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