It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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