you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
