I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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