Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
