my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
