I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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