brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
