All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
