is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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