Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
