can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
