You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
