just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
