If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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