someone threw a dead crab at me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
