I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
