we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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