Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have aggressive nipples.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
