You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
