Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
