i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
