I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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