Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
