So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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