we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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