She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
