but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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