It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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