I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
