He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
