i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
