Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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