i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
