I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
