one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
