He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
