you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
