Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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