ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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