you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
