The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
