shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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