Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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