I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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