i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please come you make the beer taste better
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
