hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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