I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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