I love black thongs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
