well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
