This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
