Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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