i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
