she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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