I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
