Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
