'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
