Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
