i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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