Fuck appropriateness.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
