So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
