The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
