you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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