My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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