I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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