Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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